10

To My Husband,

     Today we celebrated our 10th anniversary.  I've been a little emotional.  Strangely emotional, considering how often we've actually forgotten our anniversary almost altogether.  I think it's because it's 10.  A full decade.  Just about a third of our lives. I've been having flashbacks of our lives over and over and things I forgot keep popping up.  But I have a favorite one.

     We were sitting in church, it was sacrament meeting.  We had a 2-and-a-half year old and an 18-month-old.  The 18-month-old was starting on the terrible twos early, and would get so frustrated and have some seriously major meltdowns in his tiny (although huge for a 1-year-old) chubby adorable frame.  You were taking him out and I can't remember if it was because of one of these major tantrums, or if he just needed a diaper change.  I'm guessing it was a tantrum, because I remember thinking you could have been frustrated. But you weren't frustrated.  You took him in the hall, and I stayed with the 2-year-old.  And when you came back in, half way up the isle to our bench he decided to lie down on the floor.  Just taking a little rest I guess.  And you squatted down with a little half grin on your face- the one you have when you love our kids.  You gently rubbed his back. And you just stayed there waiting for him to choose to get up and walk back over to our bench.  And I just watched you, and loved you sooo so much my heart hurt a little.  This is who you are to me. I've been reliving that moment all day.  I watched it again yesterday morning, when you were so tired, and you rolled out of bed to get our current 2-and-a-half year old out of her crib.  I already don't remember what you said.  I just remember your tone of voice.  It was just love. I've watched it so many times in the last 10 years there is no way I could begin to remember it all, but yet it still strikes me as so important every time it happens.

     So many moments in the last decade of our lives have been filled with that love, that patience, that kindness.  The kind of selflessness that says, "sure, I'll watch Gilmore Girls with you." The kind that says "I love you" with your actions, with your voice, with your presence.  We have some difficult challenges in the last 10 years.  Some of it has been amazing, some devastating, really just life I think. All so clearly a part of the plan in hindsight. I have learned so much by being with you, and I would never ever trade it for anything. 

     So here's to the last 10 years...

• to 3648 days of beautiful, crazy, amazing, easy, hard, exciting, boring, happy, sad, and wonderful that I wouldn't trade for anything. (Yes I attempted to account for leap years.)
• to 2 bachelor's degrees that we got to celebrate in our cap and gowns with 2 beautiful babies in our arms.
• to 2 additional amazing healthy children and 1 more on the way.
• to 1 perfect baby miscarried, who taught us more about love and trust in the Lord than I ever could have any other way.
• to about 20,000 miles traveled, most with those beautiful kids, always between Louisiana and Alberta. #familyisimportant #somuchmoney #whycan'tmontanaandlouisianaswitchplaces 
• to 5 moves, each with more junk than the last. 
• to the ups and downs of at least 13 different jobs between the two of us (nobody can work 3 jobs at a time while going to school full time and staying up all night with a crying baby like you can babe.)
• to trials that are hard to put a number on, and to the amazing blessings that they each bring.

     And most importantly here's to another decade of being married to you and loving our perfect imperfect not-so-little-anymore family.  Thanks for choosing me. Thanks for loving us. 

May, 2013

    I wrote this then, meant to add pictures, and forgot to ever publish it.  Story of my life.  Since I spent the time, here it is 9 months later!

     Well it's been a long time since the last time I wrote a real post on this blog.  Having been working full time, I kind of had to prioritize my time a little bit more specifically, and the blog got the boot basically.  I wish I had the time to go back and fill it in, but that would be a little overwhelming with everything that happens in a family of five in eight months.
     I'm going to try to sum it up very quickly though...(deep breath here)...I got a full time job as a speech assistant and worked at three different sites, including a Hutterite colony, which was a special experience.

  

 I've had one calling, as secretary to the primary presidency, which I actually love...but seriously?  My job is to be organized for other people.  It's most likely been an exercise in patience for the lovely ladies I work with.
     Tony finished his Canadian studies course and got an internship with CES, did not get the position we were hoping for, but did get his permanent residency in January and is still waiting on his Alberta teaching certificate which is taking much longer than we were hoping it would.   For church he was a substitute seminary teacher and worked with the cub scouts, until recently when they switched him to a councilor in the Elders Quorum presidency.  He started working for the Taber Irrigation District about a month ago in a very temporary position and recently switched to working for the Village of Barnwell for the summer doing summer maintenance.  It's not his ideal position (or in other words it's not teaching) but I think it's been nice for him to get to work full time.  For a few weeks we both tried to work since my job would be finished in a couple of months anyway, but it wasn't working (how does it for anyone??!)  So now I'm home with the kids, only working occasionally for ATB as a casual bank teller.
     Lily turned five, had a "butterflies and ladybugs" party with all her little girl school friends, has been going to kindergarten, and is starting to learn how to read. Every time she comes home from kindergarten and I ask her how it went the answer is always "Great!".  She loves to learn.  She is an aspiring artist and is forever "artisting" as she puts it.  We can't keep up with the amount of paper, crayons, and "sticky tape" that it requires.  Here are some 5th birthday pictures:

     TJ turned 4, started Pre-K in October (after I had been working with his pre-k teacher and a different pre-k class for a few weeks and realized I liked his teacher and wasn't too nervous to put him in it).  Pre-K is two and a half hours, twice a week and has been good for him and he loves it.  It has been fun to get to work with his teacher (until recently) and get a little bit from her about how he's doing.  "How was pre-k?" is always answered "good".  "What did you do?"  is usually answered with, "nothing."  Always nothing.  It was nice to know what he actually did from a grown up who was there.  TJ still loves to sing, is very sensitive, which makes him a little emotional at times, but also very sweet.

 




Jaxon turned 2 just last week and is getting so big.  He is a great little talker and can basically say just about anything that's on his mind.  He has a smiley happy disposition and enjoys giving his big brother a hard
time.  Because he turned two last week we finally decided it was long past time to "ween" him from his bottle. (Which he didn't even start taking until he was 13 months and we needed to ween him from nursing.  Why did we not just switch to a cup back then and skip the extra weening?  Good question.)  It's been a rough couple of days.  He doesn't really know how to relax without it, and apparently a sippy cup just isn't quite the same.

     We still live with my awesome Mom and Dad and little brother Mike.  It wasn't really our plan to still be here, and I'm sure they're getting tired of us, but when does a plan ever go the way you think it's going to?  Literally not ever (at least not for me.)  The Lord's plan is better than mine anyways so here's hoping that not too long from now I can look back and blog about how true that is. :)
     We went for a visit in Louisiana in April over the Easter break.  It was nice to see family and friends, and Ruston basically as we left it.  We miss it there. 
 
    Auntie Lanni got married a couple of weeks ago and we got a new Uncle Nate.  Lily and TJ sang with their cousin, Champ, at the reception. Lily was a flower girl.

Also Uncle Nick came home from his mission.  It was awesome to get to be here for that, and it's been so fun to get reacquainted  him as he's been staying here at my parents' house too.

Meeting Nick at the Airport, Returning from the Canada Toronto West Mission
TJ is the only one still wearing it, but lots of us had funny hats with a sign that said "hats off to Elder Johnson".  I think the plan was to throw them when he walked into the airport.  Jaxon and Emery had shirts that we had made that said, "I've been waiting my whole life to meet you."  TJ was jealous of Jaxon's shirt because he felt like he hadn't met Uncle Nick either because the last time he saw him he was so little.  So we helped him feel better by letting him know he got to wear a cool hat and hold his poster.

     And now anybody who actually reads this blog is up to speed.  Sort of.  As much as possible in eight or nine months of remembering by a person whose memory is not very great.

   Ha! Maybe my next post will be catching up on the eight 

or nine months following when I wrote this...

Home

 Montana has some gorgeous mointains, and Louisiana is beautiful, green, and warm, even in the winter.  But I always remember I'm not at home when I see a sunset and it's not amazing like I feel it should be.  I don't want trees or mountains in my way, making me homesick.  These pictures are from my back deck...if I wanted to I could have gotten in the car and driven for about 30 seconds...and had a completely unobstructed view with nothing but amazing beautiful sky.  Sunsets like these always turn my thoughts to my gratitude for God.  I wish I was a real photographer at times like these so I could capture and remember the beauty and emotion that I experience in person when I look outside and feel so at home.

 

Kindergarten

      It came a little bit quicker than I thought it would, in hind sight.  She's been excited and looking forward to school for a long time.  I don't know how many times over the last several years I've heard the phrase, "When I grow up, like Logan, I can go to kindergarten." (Logan is her BFF's then 5 year old sister who was in kindergarten).  She watched as we picked up her friends, Addie and Phenie from preschool every day last year, and longed for the day when that would be her.  She's sooooo ready.  Yep, today was a big day for our baby girl.

   I thought she might be just a tiny bit nervous, because she hasn't wanted to talk too much about school for the last couple of days.  But she was so confident hanging up her backpack and walking right in and sitting by her little friend. (Our neighbor's grand-daughter is in her class, so she knows a couple of the kids already between that and church.)  Just a little wave, and "see-ya later" and we were on our way.  Easy peasy.  And my own panic attack was minimal because kindergarten is only 2 days a week here.  We're sure going to miss her every Tuesday and Thursday though!

I took one or two...or twelve... pictures:)

With her sparkly purple princess backpack.
 All Lily's favorite things!

 

Posing for us in her new outfit.

 

In front of her school holding up her first ever
 homework.  It's her name's letter, with things
and people that she likes on it.
 

Switching over to her indoor gym shoes.

 

In the circle, ready for Kindergarten!

      Now I'm just sitting here kind of just waiting for 3:30

to go get her and see how it went!

Jax is One!!

    My tiny sweet baby boy

        turned 1 today!!

 

       It's been so fun to watch him really take off and start to turn from a baby into a little toddler this month.  I'm surprisingly excited about the change.  I would have thought I`d feel sad to have him not be a baby anymore, but mostly I just love this stage so much.  He laughs and claps and says a handful of words (mom-ma, da da, ah duh for all done, and dah dah means bottle).  He sleeps through the night (usually) which is amazing.  He got a new tooth today, for a grand total of four, and he's finally starting to take an interest in food.
       On the other hand he seems like more of a baby than Lily and TJ were on their first birthdays, but I don't know why.  Maybe because he's still crawling (although he took his first steps last week!)  He also still nurses several times a day which is the longest I`ve nursed a baby.  It might also be that he's my littlest one so far- he only weighed 22 lbs. on Monday, which I think maybe TJ did by the time he was 6 or 7 months old.  I guess he`s just still a baby to me in my mind so the fun tricks he does are just that much more fun.  Who knows...I just know he`s one of the cutest babies ever:)


       Our house is currently in extreme moving chaos, so Grandma and Grandpa Dunlop let us have Jax's party at their house yesterday. He had fun hanging out with Grandma and Grandpa and Aunt Lindsey, eating some cake, swimming, and playing with his big brother and sister and cousin Cason!  I tried to go simple with his cake because I've been stressed with the packing situation in our house, and thought of this at the store while I was looking for his birthday present:

No decorating necessary.  It's a reverse score trifle-like cake.  The whipped cream is in the middle and the cake/ pudding/ toffee bits are on top to make it look like dirt.  Easiest birthday party EVER.  Plus I made it myself so Jax still knows I love him just as much as his siblings, who got personalized cakes for their first birthdays.  (Not that he cares now, but just in case he looks back on the pictures later!  Love you Jax!!!)  The best part is, this is what I wanted to get him for his birthday anyway!

 He thought it was delicious.  And wanted to hold it.

Opening Grandma and Grandpa's present.  He thought it was fun, and started clapping:)

Swimming.  Jaxon loves the water!

 Clapping for Grandma

Questions

There's nothing like a 4-year-old to help you remember (or realize you forget) the random stuff you learned in elementary school.  This was my conversation with Lily the other day:

Lily (looking out at the rain):  Mom, what is water made out of?
Me: 2 parts hydrogen and one part oxygen
Lily: and what else?
Me: Nothing else...(I commence to give her my very limited understanding of chemistry in 4-year-old language.)
Lily: Oh.  What are bones made out of?
Me: I don't know, should we look it up on the internet?
Lily: Sure.  What's the internet?
Me: It's the thing on the computer that lets us look stuff up. (We read what bones are made of)
Lily: What are feathers made of?
We look it up. (keratin, by the way)
Lily: Mom, what are tree stumps made out of?
Me: Tree stumps?
Lily: Yah, I just know that because there are a lot of them in this world. 
Me: Oh, yah.  (I go to look it up, then remember) They're made of wood. 
Lily: What is hair made out of?
Me: Keratin, I think...
And then TJ came and distracted us by wanting a popsicle.

I love curious minds.  It's my favorite when she asks me random questions like she figures I must know everything. Lucky thing I know about the internet!

Announcement!!!

    This has been a long decision 6 years in the making.  We wanted to when we were first married, then decided that we should finish school first (scholarships!), then wanted to when we graduated but for whatever reason it didn't feel right yet.  Well as of last Sunday, it's official.  We're moving in 6 weeks.  We decided in February to move , and applied for Tony's permanent residency then, but it could take up to a year for him to get it.   I'm trying not to panic because I kind of thought we were leaning towards moving after Tony got his permanent residency. But nope, 6 weeks to wrap up 6 years of loose ends.

    I can't even begin to tell you all of the details that went into our decision, not only whether or not to move but the more difficult decision once that was decided was when??  I can only say that a LOT of thought, prayer and fasting has gone into this one.  It was a really hard choice to make too, not blaringly obvious like it was when I had to decide whether to move to Louisiana or to Washington State.  In the end it was between this June and next June.  There was no ta da moment when I just knew what God's will was for us, which we thought might mean it didn't matter too much one way or another in the grand scheme of things.  But in the end, when we just made the decision to move now rather than later, it seemed right.  And now, a week later, so many things have happened to make me say to myself "wow, good thing we decided to move when we did," that I know for sure it is a good thing. 

Oh Canada...we're coming!  Plane tickets are paid for, U-haul is booked, our calendar is crammed full of "things to do" each day to get ready to leave in 6 weeks.  Anxiety lies just beneath the surface at all times waiting to attack me...only because it has to be the most organized move EVER (we have to list everything that goes into that U-haul!!!) and because we're leaving less than a week after Tony finishes his school year.  Which means that most of the packing is going to be my job.  (I don't think Tony thinks so...but I'm pretty sure he's wrong.)  Have you ever tried to pack with a baby?  I don't know about y'alls babies, but mine likes to take things out of boxes...and not be in a different room than me.  On the other hand, last time I had to pack everything up, I was pregnant...that was officially worse. Anyways wish us luck!  We're excited to see our friends and family in Canada in 6 short weeks.  And we're very sad to say goodbye to some amazing friends and family here.  We'll be back to visit though!

Emery

     I just want to write a little about my thoughts for my sweet sister, Alisha, and her family.  They are going through some pretty real trials, and have been for so many months.  Last summer Alisha started having some problems with her pregnancy.  She was put on bedrest for a long time, then eventually hospitalized 2 hours away from their home (for the NICU) until the baby would be born.  Emery Hope was born on October 2, after five weeks in the hospital with us all praying for her safe arrival. 

     Emery's whole little life is a miracle.  Born 10 weeks early, she was even weeks behind for her gestational age, and was born at a tiny 1 lb 13 oz.  Her wonderful parents have been blessed, because of their faith and prayers, with the miracle of her life.  They are truly amazing and faithful people. 

    Now it's almost April. Emery still has major health concerns and is in the hospital.  They also have a sweet little active 3-year-old boy who now stays with Alisha at the Ronald McDonald house much of the time.  They are still more than 2 hours away from home where Ryan has to work.  While I don't always understand the exact condition that Emery is in, I do know that we're just not sure how much longer it will take to get that sweet baby girl home.  And they need to go home.  And Emery needs to be healthy. 

     I am truly beginning to feel like God is just waiting for us to help them ask for the second half of their miracle.  From more than 2000 miles away, I feel so helpless to lighten their burden in any other way. I know that people who know and love my sister and her family already keep them in their prayers. For reasons I don't understand, there is strength in numbers, and I think this applies to prayer and fasting, and especially support.  I'm asking for people I know, who love the Lord, to ask Him to support Alisha and her family, and to bring Emery home.  I've started a facebook page where I hope that people who would like too, or have been in her circumstance can send their hope, love and encouragement, and where we can come together to fast and pray for Emery's and her family.  I'm also hoping Alisha will be willing to share updates as they come, although she stays very busy and tired between the hospital and Emery, and her little boy, and all of the other things she has to do.

    I just want Alisha and her family to know that they are truly loved so much.  I know that they know sacrifice brings forth great blessings.  But I don't think that it makes those sacrifices any easier.  Only the Savior can truly lift those burdens if we let Him.  And I pray that He will carry the Petersons through the rest of this trial, however long it may be, until that beautiful baby gets to come home.

Move over trains!!!

     Those of you who know my little sweety-pie TJ know that trains take a very special place in his heart, and a pretty decent chunk of his day.  He plays with them, talks to them, watches movies about them, and snuggles them to sleep.  He dreams about the trains that he would like to have (most of them of the Thomas variety) and has even started a mental wishlist "for Christmas". 

     I noticed, however that he mentioned a time or two something about a tractor in the last week.  So when my friend, Kelly, showed me this in her magazine of cool things to do with your kids, I jumped on it.  Went straight to the Dollar Tree that night (last night) and found the perfect tractors/ dump trucks, then on to walmart for a giant bag of corn meal.  TJ has been dying for some more attention lately, so I sent Lily to Joy School with the other girls, and took TJ over for a special playdate with just his little buddy Ethan.  I brought the new tractors along for a test drive.  They LOVED it.  TJ only left at the end of the morning with the promise that he could play in the "dirt" with Lily later after we picked her up.  Everywhere he went he had to bring his tractor.  (Unfortunately he also insisted it have a "full load" each time, and sometimes I didn't catch it in time.  Thus all the corn meal in my minivan.)  The best part is, I've been told that cornmeal kills ants, so I didn't have to worry about them doing it outside!

   

      Lily loved it too, although she was the most interested in it when I could play with her.  She likes lots of different toys, but is a lot more about the social aspect of playing than the toys/ games themselves.
    
     Anyway, I had to share this idea, it's already been hours and hours of fun at our house, and I'm betting there are more hours to come.  I'd say it cost somewhere around 7 or 8 dollars all together.  Worth every penny!

Joy School

     So I and two of my awesome friends have been taking turns doing a fun little home preschool (we call it joy school at my house).  It has been really fun.  We learn letter sounds, do crafts, read books, dance, play games, cook, and have freeplay time, or whatever we want to do with the kids really.  Every time we have a letter of the alphabet we base some or all of the activities on.  Last Thursday was our turn, and we had the letter J.  We each made a paper Jack-in-the-box, did the standing long jump, and read Jack and Jill.  Then we talked about how important followig directions are and made some brownies, following the directions on the brownie box.  Then we danced, and ate brownies.  It was a really fun morning:)

     Lily and TJ both love it, but Lily is absolutely crazy about it.  She always asks me, "What kind of day is it?" in the morning, hoping I'll say it's a joy school day.  She can't wait to go to big kid school, and because she has a late birthday, we're thinking about putting her in a preschool next year.  (She'll be 5 next November.)  We'll see.  The idea of her being away from home a whole year earlier than she has to makes be a little panicky.  But I'm pretty sure she'd eat it up.

   Also this week, this cute little buddy turned 8 months old.  He's starting to get a little more mobile, although he doesn't crawl yet.  He mostly just wiggles and rolls to where he wants to go.  It's fun to watch him explore and get excited about what's around him.  He says mamama and dadada (not necessarily words but those are his favorite sounds to make.  We love his guts.

Lovin' his jumperoo

This is one of the official "8 month" pics.
 I meant to do a real one later but forgot. 
We were just playing outside because it was
nice weather outside, and for whatever reason,
 he's wearing his big brother's hoodie vest.:)

Jaxon loves scootin' around and exploring in his walker.

I took his toe out and he cried,
 so I gave it back and took a picture instead.

This is from today.  Finally asleep after a couple of hours of trying
to get him to sleep without snuggling someone, we finally gave up
and he wore out in Tony's arms.  He put him down and he slept for
about two minutes by himself on the pillow.