Musings on the limits of visiting teaching...

     Tonight my sweet son, an hour or so after dinner, wanted some cereal.  Too tired to fight it, I told him he could have some, but we have no milk (haven't for days) so it would have to be dry.  He agreed.  Then I told him it would have to be on a plate, because all the bowls are dirty (as are most of the dishes that we own).  Not a problem for him.  He took his plate of cereal (Mini Wheats) and stepped over/ around a shoe, some trains, a little laundry, and whatever else is in the obstacle course that is my living room.  And I sighed and hoped they would put themselves to bed tonight.  No such luck so far...it may be happening when Daddy gets home from karate. 
     My visiting teachers are coming over tomorrow...do you think it would be overstepping if, when they say the standard "let us know if we can do anything..." trailing off as they walk away, I grab them and say, "GREAT thanks for asking.  Here's my baby, and a grocery shopping list.  This is where I keep the dish and laundry soap.  I'm going to take a nap."...?  Cuz seriously, I feel like I'm drownin' here.  I've gotten to the point where, if the phone rings I get a tight knot in my stomach just kind of hoping its nobody who needs me, for any reason.  Because I'll say yes.  Because when I look at the situation, I CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHY I feel like I'm drowning, or WHY I'm not able to get basic chores done and a the thought of a trip to the grocery store makes me want to cry.  There's no real excuse.  WHY am I so exhausted that I've felt the need to take two pregnancy tests in the last two weeks?  (Nope, not pregnant, also had a negative mono test last week).  I just don't feel like doing anything, it seems way too exhausting/overwhelming.  So beyond that one load of dishes in the dishwasher to get us through the day, and washing towels and underwear every couple of days, I've been kind of reserving all of my energy for the mothering side homemaker/stay-at-home-mom.  I'm hoping Jax starts sleeping through the night again, and that that will fix everything miraculously.  Like, "oh wow, I got 8 hours of sleep last night, I think I'll clean the kitchen and finally fold all of that laundry that's been sitting on the couch for 4 days."  Yup I'm gonna go with it, that's the solution, because I can't think of another one.  Motivation.  I need some motivation.  I need some energy.  I need some structure.  I need some adult conversation...but the thought of entertaining adults in my house makes me want to turn off my phone forever.  I haven't felt this anti-social in a long time. 
     And yet I appreciate the fact that I have awesome friends who want to hang out with me, and good visiting teachers who try to visit.  I suppose I just need to stop whining...and look on the bright side.  At least I have an awesome husband who gets excited and complements me on what was likely about a half an hour's worth of work on the housecleaning ("It looks like you worked really hard today!"  He's my favorite.)  At least I get to focus on mothering and don't have to focus on a "real job" to support our family.  Actually, I have a pretty freakin awesome life.  What is wrong with me???  Advice please?


PS. I, obviously, decided not to go private for now. but I kept your email address on hand if you gave it to me, just in case I change my mind later.